The Suffering Of Change

It’s really shocking when you are young having to watch your parents fight. Even worse is when your parents lie to you about the nature of reality. If there is one thing I learnt from attending one of Melbourne’s most prestigious private schools is that suffering exists. My parents however, appeared to be more concerned with pulling the wool over my eyes, and admonished me by making me feel guilty or ashamed for any efforts I made to understand and figure out how to escape the cycle of suffering we were all trapped in.

When the Buddha turned the First Wheel of the Dharma, he taught the Four Noble Truths.

On a warm day, late in Spring, I arrived home from school. I used to enter the house by first walking in through Dad’s practice rooms, which were at the front part of the building, so I could say hello to him on the way through. On this day, Dad wasn’t in his rooms, so I walked through to the house, dumping my navy school bag in my bedroom on the way. As I headed towards the living room, I passed by my parent’s bedroom, but paused as I realized the curtains were drawn and the room itself was very dark. I walked in, staring at the bed. Mother lay motionless with a mask over her eyes.

“Mum,” I said quietly, “are you awake?”

Mother didn’t reply. I picked up her hand and held it in mine. Her hand was cold, and felt almost lifeless, but when I touched her forehead, it was very hot and clammy. She moaned.

“Mum,” I whispered, “do you need anything, some medicine, some water?”

She moaned again, and then said, “Go away Oceané. I need to rest.” I paused as I considered what to do.  After a time, Mother spoke.  “Shut the door behind you, Oceané. I need peace and quiet”

My heart sank. I felt so sorry for her, but there seemed little I could do. As I turned to leave the room, I realized Father was standing in the doorway, looking as though he was about to blow his top. He had some documents in his hand and a pen. He marched forward towards the bed. Dad was really a fearsome creature when in a rage, and I quickly and fearfully moved out of the way. He stood over Mum, shoving the papers in her face and bellowing, “Grace, I need your signature on these documents.”

Mother lay motionless, without saying a word. Father ripped off the eye mask Mother was wearing, before she yelped like a helpless dog in fright.

“What Edward, what?” she whimpered. “Can’t you see I’m suffering from a terrible migraine?”

She struggled to sit up, and half-opened her eyes. “What are they,” she said looking at the thick document of papers he was holding in front of her. The room was still dark, so she had no way of knowing what it was he was asking her to sign.

“Just sign them, you stupid bitch,” he shouted.

“Sign what?” whimpered Mother. “What is it that you want from me?” Turning towards me, Father bellowed, “Leave us alone, Oceané. This has nothing to do with you.”

“But Dad, Mum is sick. You can’t treat her like this, especially when she is so ill. Where is your compassion? Can’t you see you are causing her so much more pain?”

Mother was battling even to hold her head in an upright position, her pain and discomfort blatantly obvious. Reluctantly, I left the room.  Returning to my bedroom, I sat at my desk, however I felt so distraught by what had just happened that I found it impossible to focus upon my own work. A few minutes passed before the house became silent.

After some time sitting and churning over the latest events, I picked up enough energy to unenthusiastically unpack my bag. Staring blankly at the books piled up on the desk in front of me, I felt my anguish increase. I had lost all motivation. Despite the fact I always looked forward to seeing Mum when I got home from school, all I could think about now was the feeling of loss overwhelming me, as though I was losing the one ray of light that brought happiness into our lives at home. Seeing Mother so unhappy, frail and sick on the bed reinforced my own feelings of despair, unhappiness, separation and loss. Feeling so mentally fragmented, it seemed that all my efforts to comfort and support Mother came to nothing. Watching on helplessly as our family disintegrated before my eyes was heartbreaking. I knew my exams were only a couple of weeks away, however I was facing my own battle trying to maintain a focus on the studies that I was expected to excel in.

Copyright © Vanessa Anne Walsh 2019

 

What Happened in 1985 Important News and Events, Key Technology and Popular Culture

What happened in 1985 Major News Stories include Coca-Cola Company introduces New Coke, Heysel Stadium Disaster, Unabomber kills his first victim, CD’s Introduced, Wreck of the RMS Titanic Located, Mexico City Earthquake kills 9,000, Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior is sunk by French Agents, As the spread of aids increases Governments round the world start screening Blood donations for AIDS. On the technology front the first .com is registered and the first version of Windows is released Ver 1.0 . Terrorists continue to perform acts of terrorism including the hijack of TWA Flight 847 and the Italian Cruise Liner “Achille Lauro “. Famine in Ethiopia is shown more on TV News in July and Live Aid concerts around the world raise many millions to help the starving in Africa and the pop industry in US joins together to sing “We Are The World”.

Jump To 1985 Fashion — World Leaders — 1985 Calendar — 1985 Technology — Cost Of Living — Popular Culture — Toys

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